The Great Toothpaste Duel
by akki chairudo
Summary: Duo challenges Heero to a very ood duel. Relena and Brittany Spears bashing. PLEASE read and review.


Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me-not Gundam, Shitnay Spears, Aquafresh or PearlDrops, nuthin'. Not making $, don't sue.   
  


### The Great Toothpaste Duel

  
  
"I've just about had it with you!" Duo shouted angrily at his fellow Gundam pilot, Heero. The two young men were only feet away from each other, and both glaring at the other as though he were the cause of all evil. "Your arrogant, annoying, single-minded..." Duo sputtered, pointing an accusing finger at Heero.   
  
Heero shrugged confidently. "Do you think I care?" He closed his eyes briefly, crossing his arms over his chest and half turning away from the other pilot.   
  
"You ruined my poster of Brittany Spears! You'd better care!" Duo shouted back, closing the distance between them even further.   
  
Heero almost gagged. Sure, he'd ruined the poster, but the poster deserved it! It had Brittany Spears on it! The only good thing that poster was good for was starting a fire-and thats what it ended up doing.   
  
"I challange you to a duel!" Duo was saying.   
  
Heero's ears perked up with interest. He opened his eyes and regarded the furious Dou, whose face was a bright shade of red that would have been comical under most situations. "A duel?" He repeated, a smiled tugging at his lips.   
  
"A duel." Duo confirmed, some of the flush receding from his face, much to Heero's disapointment.   
  
"All right," Heero turned to face the pilot fully once again, smiling broadly now. "I accept your challenge."   
  
"Wait," Quatre, who had been watching the fight along with Wufei, Trowa and Relena interjected. "You shouldn't duel-violence isn't the way to settle anything..." Wufei rolled his eyes, and both Duo and Heero ignored the blond pascifist.   
  
"He's right!" Relena jumped in, taking Heero's arm with worry. Heero glanced at her with an expression coming close to disgust, and shrugged his arm out of her grasp. "You might get hurt!"   
  
Duo looked at Relena, Quatre and then back to Heero. "A duel." He said once again. "My terms." Heero thought a moment, then nodded his agreement. It didn't really matter what Duo chose as the terms-Wing Zero could beat any other gundam; Heero was great with firearms and bladed weapons...no matter what, Duo had little hope of winning.   
  
Heero suddenly realized that everyone was waiting for him to say something. "Agreed." He stuck out his hand and Duo solumnly shook it. Relena and Quatre gasped with horror-or something resembling it; Wufei smiled with satisfaction and Trowa just watched.   
  
"The terms are as follows-If I win, you buy me Brittany Spears posters to cover my entire Gundam," Heero shuddered. "And if you win, I never bug you about being an idiot again."   
  
"Agreed." *baka* Heero said, nodding with satisfaction.   
  
"You already said that," Duo reminded the pilot, then continued. "And the weapons are...." He thought a moment before a grin appeared on his face. "tubes of toothpaste!"   
  
"What?!" Heero yelled, his jaw dropping.   
  
"What?!" Quatre, Relena, Trowa and Wufei shouted, jaws dropping as well.   
  
Duo crossed his arms over his chest, pushing his long braid off his shoulder. "Thats right. We each get a tube of toothpaste, and we fight until we run out or one of us gets hurt."   
  
"But...but..." Heero stammered.   
  
"Yeah!" Relena shouted, throwing her arms up in the air and pouncing on Heero. "You won't be hurrrt!!!!!!" Heero shoved her off of him and continued gawking at Duo. Relena turned away from "her" Heero, tears forming in her eyes.   
  
"But.....toothpaste?" He sounded incredably meek and unbeliving.   
  
Duo raised his chin and glared at Heero. "You agreed." Heero smacked himself on the head and started mumbling. Grinning once again, Duo turned to the spectator's, none of whom (with the exception of Relena, who was crying because Heero had shoved her away) had gotten over the shock of what "weapon" Duo had chosen. "You guys will be the judges." He glanced at Relena, whose eyes were bright red and puffy making her look uglier than usual. "Except you, Relena, cause your a biased bitch." This sent Relena into another gale of sobs. "How 'bout it, guys?" Duo said brightly, ignoring the Peacecraft girl.   
  
Wufei glowered and stalked away muttering about injustices and stupidity. Duo just grinned. Quatre and Trowa exchanged a glance.   
  
"Okay..." Trowa spoke cautiously.   
  
"Great!" Duo looked back at Heero, whose mouth still hung open. His tongue was beginning to get a little sunburned, but the pilot didn't notice.   
  
"He's flipped." Quatre whispered to Trowa out of the side of his mouth while Duo was confronting his opponant. Trowa nodded enthusiastically.   
  
"We can't let him win, either," He whispered back, shuddering at the thought of a gundam being completely plastering with pictures of Shitany-oops, Brittany-Spears. Quatre nodded and the two young men returned their attention to Duo and Heero.   
  
Duo had taken two full tubes of toothpaste out of his pockets-he's been prepared, apparently, and was holding them out to Heero, who had finally managed to close his mouth. "Aquafresh or PearlDrops?" Duo was asking.   
  
Heero considered retaliating against such a stupid duel, but decided that there would be no point in doing that, so he started sizing up the "weapons." Both tubes of toothpaste were about the same size, but PearlDrops tastes better, so he took Aquafresh (in order to let Duo taste the nasty stuff).   
  
Duo nodded, and twisted off the cap of the toothpaste. "Okay," he said, looking around, while Heero hesitantly took off the cap of the Aquafresh. "The boundaries are the building, that tree over there," he pointed to a big tree about fifty feet away. "And um...." He looked around for a third marker to create a triangular "ring" for the contestants. "That thing over there," he waved his hand vaguely at Wing Zero.   
  
Heero's eyes narrowed at his belovŽd Wing Zero being called "thing." "Omae o korosu." He muttered under his breath, readying his tube of toothpaste on his hand.   
  
Trowa and Quatre looked at the boundries, then hastily left them. Once safely sitting on the roof of the building boundary, Quatre noticed that neither Heero nor Duo were doing anything. He glanced at Trowa. "Uh, I think we're s'possed to tell them when to start," he muttered.   
  
"Oh," Trowa said, noticing the inactivity as well. "Okay....GO!" He shouted.   
  
Immediatly, Duo, who had his tube of toothpaste resting on his flat palm facing Heero, brought the blade of his hand down on the center of the tube. A long string of toothpaste left the tube and shot towards Heero.   
  
Heero jumped aside completely avoiding the toothpaste and accedently landing on Relena, who had been curled on the ground crying over her rejection. The girl gasped as Heero hopped off of her, Aquafresh squirting from his bottle. Duo gave a high pitch scream as the smelly goo landed in his neat braid. Heero giggled, and ran aside.   
  
"Argh!" Duo yelled, running after Heero. Heero paused tauntingly, and stuck his tongue out at the other pilot. Simultaniously, the two gundam pilots let loose a great barrage of toothpaste fire.   
  
On the roof, Trowa and Quatre watch with their mouths slightly open. "This is..." Quatre began.   
  
"Bizaare." Trowa finished. Both were in shock. Trowa glanced at Quatre. "Who do you think is winning?"   
  
Quatre glanced quickly at Trowa, then turned his attention back to the fight. Relena had finally gotten up and was staggering towards Heero, who was holding Duo's braid, and Duo was screaming obsenities and trying to get Heero with toothpaste.   
  
"Heeeeroooo...." Relena wailed, throwing her arms around Heero.   
  
"Yargh!" Heero shouted, letting go of Duo's braid, sending the other man careening into the boundary tree. "Stay away, stay away!" He held his hands up to frantically hold Relena off.   
  
"Heero," she sobbed, clutching his shirt.   
  
"Damn you!" Duo yelled as he picked himself up from the ground below the tree. He turned and, without really aiming, let loose a loooong string of toothpaste. The toothpaste hit the wailing Relena in her open mouth, who began choking.   
  
"Yay!" Wufei, who had been watching the fight from the window of the boundary building, yelled.   
  
Heero looked down at Relena, whose face was turning all sorts of colors, then up at Duo, who was glaring at Heero, his toothpaste tube at the ready.   
  
"Pretty colors," Quatre commented from the roof, looking at Relena's face which was a beautiful shade of blueish purple.   
  
"Yeah," Trowa was actually smiling as the bitchy Peacecraft girl passed out. "Duo definatly won."   
  
Heero seemed to be thinking the same thing, because the Japanese pilot dropped his tude of toothpaste on the ground and headed over to Duo with tears of joy running down his face. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou," he sobbed happily, engulfing Duo in a hug.   
  
"???" said Duo, as Heero happily squeezed him like a plush toy.   
  
"I'm sorry about the damned poster," Heero said, pulling himself away from Duo. "I'll buy you enough to plaster Deathsycthe with,"   
  
"Yay!" Duo dropped the toothpaste tube and started dancing.   
  
On the roof Trowa and Quatre exchanged a glance. "Ugh," Trowa said, thinking of so many Shitany Spears pictures.   
  
Quatre sighed and shrugged. "At least the bitch is dead," together he and Trowa climbed down from the roof, happily humming "ding dong the bitch is dead, the bitchy bitch, the bitchy bitch..." There was much celebration that night.   
  
**TWO WEEKS LATER**   
  
Quatre stared at Deathscythe in horror. The once fear-inspiring gundam now inspired fear of an entirely different kind-Duo had gone through with his plan and every single surface of the gundam was covered with nasty poster. Beside him, Duo sighed in satisfaction.   
  
"Finally done." He said grinning broadly. "I think I'll get a camera."   
  
As he dashed inside to find a camera, Quatre looked over at Heero and Wufei who stood not far away. Wufei looked sick, but Heero looked.....smug?   
  
"Heero, whats up?" Quatre asked, moving closer to the other young men. Wufei glanced over at Heero with curiosity as well. "It's a montrosity,"   
  
"I know," Heero said, leaning back on his heels. "So does Trowa," he pointed a finger slightly to the left of the mangled gundam.   
  
Quatre squinted in the direction he was pointing and was just able to make out trowa-with a can of gasoline and a flame thrower. The blond pilot started laughing happily. Before long Heero and even Wufei joined him. But man, Duo was gonna be PISSED.....   
  
  
  
Okay, the end. Please don't flame me? I know it's ooc and crappy and all, but it's my first Gundam fic and I was just having some fun. ^_^ If you want, though, leave a review, or e-mail me at "akki_chairudo@yahoo.com" Thanks.


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